Not even sure of a title for this one...

You know, I know I do a job that not many can do or even want to do but right now, I'm not feeling like I am doing a good job. What's worse is I feel like Zane is truly getting the raw end of the deal. I spend all day working with kids while they try do to simple tasks that may take them 10 times as long as the rest of us but I can wait. This evening while reading with Zane, I couldn't even wait 3 seconds for him to turn the page. I kept telling myself that I should be savoring every second with him but I just couldn't wait for him to turn the page. And then all these horrible thoughts were crossing my mind about how if I'm not going to appreciate the time I have with Zane that someone would decide that I don't deserve him. I know I'm nuts for thinking it but I was. With my job, I simply don't feel qualified to be working with some of the students in my room. I don't have enough of an understanding of many of their issues to feel like I can teach them in a way they can learn. I'm sure people would tell me I am diong a great job but I just don't feel that way today. Not to mention it's getting close to Christmas and I want to do all these things with Zane and I am not finding the time or the energy. What should I be doing with him? I'm not really sure but I know there is something!! We should be making cookies...coloring pictures...buying presents...something! But, school will be out soon enough and we can have fun together. Maybe my New Year's resolution will (again) be getting myself organized. Maybe this will be the year to actually make it work. I know it will solve many of my daily struggles so why can't that be motivation enough?? I'll make a lot of money when I can answer that question...