Friday, December 12, 2008

Not even sure of a title for this one...

You know, I know I do a job that not many can do or even want to do but right now, I'm not feeling like I am doing a good job. What's worse is I feel like Zane is truly getting the raw end of the deal. I spend all day working with kids while they try do to simple tasks that may take them 10 times as long as the rest of us but I can wait. This evening while reading with Zane, I couldn't even wait 3 seconds for him to turn the page. I kept telling myself that I should be savoring every second with him but I just couldn't wait for him to turn the page. And then all these horrible thoughts were crossing my mind about how if I'm not going to appreciate the time I have with Zane that someone would decide that I don't deserve him. I know I'm nuts for thinking it but I was. With my job, I simply don't feel qualified to be working with some of the students in my room. I don't have enough of an understanding of many of their issues to feel like I can teach them in a way they can learn. I'm sure people would tell me I am diong a great job but I just don't feel that way today. Not to mention it's getting close to Christmas and I want to do all these things with Zane and I am not finding the time or the energy. What should I be doing with him? I'm not really sure but I know there is something!! We should be making cookies...coloring pictures...buying presents...something! But, school will be out soon enough and we can have fun together. Maybe my New Year's resolution will (again) be getting myself organized. Maybe this will be the year to actually make it work. I know it will solve many of my daily struggles so why can't that be motivation enough?? I'll make a lot of money when I can answer that question...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Santa

I am not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that Zane appears to be interested in Santa now. He even says he wants to go see Santa...which I was sure would not happen this year. When I asked him what he was going to tell Santa he wanted for Christmas, he said, "Cars and trains." Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, either! I guess it's good he is interested in something other than trains but cars?? They take up as much space as trains and we really don't have the space. Oh well....we'll figure it out somehow.

We had a great time in Cleveland for Thanksgiving. Zane loves to watch Grandpa run his trains! I love watching the two of them together...I know Zane's only three but I can see him making a layout someday - maybe even with some of Grandpa's trains. We also went with Aunt Beth, Uncle Peter, Andrew, Maggies and Ethan to help them get their tree. Zane was better dressed than I was! He had boots and snow pants...I had tennis shoes and jeans. It'd be nice if I could remember to pack everything for BOTH of us. Someday.....

Getting pretty emotional the closer the holidays get. Mostly just so thankful for everyone and everything in my life but also that little pang of worry that something could happen to any of us at any time.

Zane's doing great in preschool...except that he talks all the time about what appears to be the 'trouble' child of the class. Today he spit on someone while they were having playtime in the gym. The afternoon teacher said another student ('trouble') had just done it so I'm sure was copying but I was rather appalled. Zane and I talked about it at home and I told him how hurt the other friend probably was. Hoepfully it doesn't happen again. He can count to 39 with a couple prompts and he can count to 10 in Spanish. He also knows the Spanish word for red, yellow, blue and green. I'm just amazed at what he knows!!! I'm excited for his Christmas program coming up! He did say he has been singing Jingle Bells at school so I guess that's one song he'll be singing! Just can't wait!!!