Sleeping in actually sucks...

It's 7:40 on a Wednesday morning...it's August 25th and I am upset because I am still in bed. I hear school buses going by and I know kids and teachers are going to school. But I'm not. I have no school or classroom to go to. This really sucks.

On the other hand, I'm here with Zane. He's happily playing with his trains and we are heading to the zoo later.

So I guess it doesn't suck too much...but it can sure wreak havoc with your mind, not to mention what it can do to your self-esteem.

Are you there, God? It's me, Mary...

...sorry, still doesn't feel right! LOL I've never been sure how I feel about God but I don't doubt that he exists for others. I've really taken to the idea of 'sending things out to the Universe.' I truly believe that what you send out comes back to you...it's karma on a higher level, maybe. I saw the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love" last week and what stuck with me was when she was at the 'colony' and her friend said something about sending them or thinking of them with Light and Love and then move on. If only we could all do that!! If only we could all just think with light and love...the two most beautiful things in the universe!! Love, well, that's self-explanatory but can take many different forms. And light...light can be many different things - it can be the sun that warms our bodies and helps us see with our eyes but 'light' can also be the lightbulb that comes on when we get a good idea or what helps us to see with our heart. Light could also be what opens our minds to new and different things. If only we could all just live the way...well, I'm having trouble finding the words...maybe it's as simple as treat others as you want to be treated...live your life so that others can see you the way you want them to see you. Huh??! :-) I've even confused myself...I can actually see it in my mind but can't find the words. If you want people to view you as a good person, you have to be a good person. We all make mistakes but that doesn't make you bad. Learn from them...don't dwell on them. Think of them with Light and Love and let them go. Don't dwell on situations that leave you without Light and Love...accept it as the way things are for now, send the situation Light and Love and move on. Do you think I am taking any of my own advice or words of wisdom??! ;-) Being able to move on or to accept things we don't really want to accept isn't easy. But if we don't, we've shut the Light off to something new that may be waiting for us. I think this is a conversation that may continue at a later date...

Tomorrow is the first day of school in the district I taught in last year. The last several days have been rough knowing they were getting ready to start and I'm not there with them. Well, not only am I not there with them , I'm nowhere! I'm not getting ready for any job! And then I get myself excited about being more of a mom this year for Zane in kindergarten and an opportunity comes along that might interfere with that. It's hard...I know I love teaching but it sure was nice thinking I was going to have a lighter schedule so I could do more with Zane and maybe be in his classroom more than I would have been able to. But, taking my own advice, I need to realize that I will still be a good mom and Zane will think nothing less of me if I can't do those things. Zane will go to school every day knowing he is loved and cared for whether I am putting him on the bus or not. He will know that I am here for him whether I get to volunteer in his classroom regularly or not.

Speaking of Zane and school...that boy scares me. LOL I see so much of Kyle in him but Zane already has much more in the way of social skills that Kyle did. Zane's level of intelligence is what scares me. I know he's got the smarts...Kyle's extremely intelligent and so is Kurt. (I know I am too but not at the level the three of them are.) Teachers have it so rough these days with all the levels of learners in their classes but I have to figure out a way to not be one of 'those parents' but also make sure he is being challenged and not getting bored. Uh, oh...I think I already am one of 'those parents.' He's not even started kindergarten yet and I am worried about him being challenged and not getting bored!!

Good Lord, Woman, get it together!! (Take 2)

Hm. Well, here I am again. It's been well over a year since I started this crazy thing and I've done nothing with it. But, so goes a lot of things in my life - I always have good intentions.... My cabinets are FULL of good intentions and my bank accounts have suffered because of my good intentions. Well, the bank account has suffered mainly because I feel better when I am spending money but as I am spending the money, I forget how I will feel later when I am really stretching to make ends meet before the next payday. Anywho.....

Life has gotten interesting as of late...40 is fast approaching and if I were only faced with that, things would be a lot different. But, along with turning 40, I'm unemployed and Zane is about to start kindergarten. Three, pretty big events in one life. But, it's Friday night which means we are heading to Pizza House for our weekly dinner with our favorite server, Shelly!! Nothing really matters when you are sitting at Pizza House eating pizza...or a salad...or fish...or a buffalo chicken sandwhich...or pasta.....maybe tonight I'll splurge and get a glass of wine! Won't hurt my wallet...Kurt's paying!! LOL